Failure to thrive

A friend of mine struggling with her current circumstances tells me she doesn’t like change. She’s holding herself in limbo, moving neither forward nor back. As I thought about her situation, it occurred to me that the change she so fears has already happened. She’s not keeping it from happening by ignoring it, because it has already taken place. She’s just living in limbo until she can accept it.

Within 3.62 seconds of my smug epiphany on her behalf, I started hearing voices in my head. Well, one voice. A small but persistent one. It got louder and louder until I could no longer ignore it, despite my best efforts. By the time I acknowledged it, it was screaming at me:

WHAT ABOUT YOU, TAMMY? YOU ARE DOING THE SAME THING!

It’s true. There’s one particular situation I’ve been juggling for a while, trying to stave off the inevitable. The trouble is, the inevitable has already happened. I’m just spinning my wheels trying to pretend it hasn’t happened. The only thing I’m accomplishing is keeping myself from moving forward. While living in limbo may feel like a safe place to be, its false sense of security really translates into a failure to thrive.

That reminds me of the plant in my kitchen that has lived in the same small pot for more than three years. It may be growing, but it’s a whole lot smaller than it would be if I would give it a new, bigger home. Its sparse and spindly self might be lush and full if I only gave it a chance. Instead, I’ve taken the easy way out and kept it in its original container. Limbo has not helped that plant.

I hate to think how twisted its roots look.

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